Felonious Fruit

Constance Laurel

In the beginning... There was a coconut, or maybe it was an apple, or a very large acorn. Well, anyway, it was some sort of "beginning". The beginning of a day perhaps, or a moment, or the change in course of someone's lifetime. None-the-less we have established, it was indeed---a beginning. Now, we might want to establish whether or not this "beginning" was on the planet we know as "earth". Such questions do arise in the more "ethereal" of our species, and in those type we could probably continue this questioning indefinitely. But for the sake of time constraints, and one's sanity, we shall disregard the ethereal types and surrender to the thoughts of the general masses. Only in cases such as this, will this be acceptable.
On the planet earth, within the continent of North America, in a small town somewhere in the state of Kansas, we shall say that an "apple" dropped from a tree. We shant say it was a coconut, because Palm Trees are not indigenous to this specific geographical region of the world. Although, a small Hawaiian person may have traveled to this area by plane, to specifically plant a Palm Tree, so that he might grow coconuts in Kansas. But this is unlikely. It could have possibly been an acorn, but the writer of this story is insisting the object be an "apple".
So then.
An apple fell from a tree. It fell onto the head of one "Penelope Phartslot." Dreadful name. As the apple struck the top of Ms. Phartslot's head, it caught the edge of a hairclip, and proceeded to sever a piece of the apple that continued in flight, with the help of gravity, towards a lower object.
In fact, there were two lower objects. One, being a large, one eyed, tabby cat. And the other being a quite youthful, and troublesome, Jack Russell Terrier.
Now, we have the original large apple, as compared to the size of a Tabby Cat's head, and we have the shard of apple that was neatly severed by the hairclip. The shard of apple takes a slight right turn as it has been deflected by sheer momentum and laws of physics, and proceeds to fly directly into the good eye of the Tabby Cat.
The larger piece of the apple however is on its way down when the leaf on the apple gets caught on a limb. The limb, now weighted by the wounded apple, and gravitational pull, is forced down where it slaps the Jack Russell Terrier right on the back of its rump, and swings back upward like a slingshot.

The cat reacts with the normal, scream-pounce combination. The Jack Russell Terrier is running around in lightning like circles trying to figure out who slapped him on the rump. Poor Penelope Phartslot is rubbing her head and trying to catch the Tabby Cat on its way back "down" from its pounce.
The apple however, has taken flight again. Only this time has reached a new height for its "drop" momentum. (Thank goodness it wasn't a coconut!)
Suddenly, and most fortuitously for the Tabby cat, the Jack Russell Terrier, and poor Penelope Phartslot, a strong gust of wind comes along and changes the trajectory of the apple. The felonious fruit is now headed for a most troublesome of creatures. A hungry squirrel.
The squirrel, not being the brightest of the earth's various species, sees this beacon of hope, and harbor of hunger flying directly towards him, and his eyes open wide with excitement! It is a sign from the food Gods It is a miracle. It is red and juicy! The starving squirrel stretches his arms out wide, and smiles a squirrelly smile, and welcomes the apple.
The End